Jun. 22, 2021
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” -Thumper’s advice in Bambi
People need to be taken seriously when they grieve the death of a pet. Period. End of sentence. Unfortunately in the world we live in, it is not that easy.
A member of our group stated it so perfectly. Pet parent survivors experience and are subjected to “stigma.” According to “mainstream society” it is usually frowned upon when a pet parent is going through the stages of grief. We may very often find ourselves apologizing for OUR grief that WE are experiencing. And what for? To make the other person feel more comfortable? Why? Why do we have to tailor our emotions for someone else?? God forbid they instead accept our grief.
I was chatting with a man on Facebook and he invited me to join his Facebook group. The group was “happy” in tone- mainly cute pictures of various animals- the type that bring a smile to your face. I invited him to my group. Not even an hour later after he joined I got this message, and I quote:
“There is a lot of sadness in your group. I know it is for a good cause and I respect you for doing what you are doing. But just too much sadness for me.”
Once again I found myself and my group being “shamed” or “stigmatized.” The man actually blocked me so I could not respond! Huh??? What I wanted to say to him was, YES. My group does have a lot of sadness to it. The entire theme of this group is about betrayal, loss, and heartache. It is about the TRUTHS of the veterinary world. This is the real world. This is not 1950’s Beaver Cleaver. There is bad in this world. There is danger in this world. There is tragedy in this world. And yes you better believe it, there is sadness in this world.
I am thankful he left the group. He is just an example of an “unreachable.” Someone who refuses to acknowledge reality. Just living life in their bubble. If he had given the group a chance he would have seen that there is more to the group than just “sadness.” We are very proactive and provide essential education, resources, etc. We share and discuss all the various areas in veterinary medicine that are wrong, immoral, unethical, and corrupt. We teach one another. We learn from each other. Sorry, Facebook man, you find it too “sad.” We are not here to please you. We are not going to apologize for our “sadness.” We all know in order to bring change there must be a discussion and it is not always going to be roses and sunshine.
So, go ahead Facebook man, and continue to walk through life with blinders on!! Maybe one day you will get it. I pray you never have to walk in our shoes. But, we did warn you. So I am sending the message out there, do not try to stop our advocacy, our heart ache, our sadness, our grieving for your own perversion of an agenda- simply because "it is too sad."